Gender fluid is such a sensitive topic to be discussed. Some people are in denial about it or just simply do not to accept that it exists. Most people have voiced their opinions on the subject, with some arguing that you’re either a boy or girl, and that it’s as simple as that, while others believe that it’s not so black and white.
Gender Fluid refers to a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. Gender Fluid people may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders – male and female, but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days. It has nothing to do with which set of genitalia one has, nor their sexual orientation.
A couple by the names of Louise and Nikki Draven , are raising Britain’s first genderfluid family, where their child is being brought up as neither a boy or a girl.
Their child, Star was born a boy but is now being raised as gender fluid. The family of three is quite a unique one – not your everyday, ordinary family. Four-year-old Star’s mom is Louise, who was actually born a man, but is in transition to become a woman through hormone treatment. Nikki, who is Star’s dad, was actually born as a woman but dresses in either a “masculine” or “feminine” way depending on the day of the week.
Let me break down this family tree for you in case you’ re lost: Mom Louise is actually Star’s biological father, while dad Nikki, is actually the birth mother.
Speaking about their gender-fluid family, Nikki said: “Neither of us gets hung up on the gender we were born as.
“We don’t want our child constrained by that either. We’re just an ordinary family being who we want to be.”
Star will be going to school in September and will wear a boy’s uniform, but he will also wear a pink vest and socks which he has chosen. The child says that he will grow up to be a boy or a girl one day.
Star’s dad Nikki is a former bouncer, she says: “We want to give him the confidence to be who he wants – growing up, we didn’t have that.
“We never tell Star he’s a boy, we tell him he can be whatever he wants. We don’t buy gender specific toys or clothes and we let him choose what he wears. Pink is one of his favorite colors.
“He loves wearing leggings and, because of his name, he loves clothes with star patterns on.
“He loves Barbie dolls, dressing up and fairies – but he also likes toys considered as boys’, such as cars.
“We use the words ‘he’ and ‘him’ but don’t make any kind of big deal out of him being one sex or the other.”
She also added, “Star chose” which of his parents would be mom and which one would be dad, he apparently called Nikki “Da-da” and allowed her to lift him of his cot, rather than Louise
Due to their confusing family arrangement, they have received some backlash from outsiders who shamelessly tell them off in their faces about the way of life they have chosen to live. Nikki said,
“It was worse when Star was small and Louise was first transitioning because people would point, stare and laugh.
“Sometimes they’d even follow us shouting insults. I’m not easily intimidated because I was a bouncer in a gay bar, but Lou found it really upsetting.”
Inspite of the endless threats and constant bullying from people, this family has chosen not to let this fear of abuse stop them from encouraging their son to step outside of the gender boundaries. They said,
“Star is only in nursery but has already been put under pressure by other children. He came home the other day saying, ‘I can’t play with dolls – they’re for girls’.
“We sat him down and explained that anyone can play with dolls and that it’s good practice for when he grows up and is a daddy. He said, ‘I might not be a daddy – I might be a mammy!
“When we decided to raise Star as gender fluid we talked about things like other children’s attitudes.
“Of course we had doubts – what would other people say, what trouble could it cause, would our son be bullied?
“But then we realised children always find a reason to bully other kids.
“When one boy told him he looks like a girl, Star told them he looked like the comic book hero Aquaman.”
Despite the fact that not everyone agrees with their strange parenting techniques, they are in line with the advice issued from the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust in London, which is a centre specialising in psychological well-being, with a dedicated Gender Identity Development Service.
At the end of the day what matters most is the well-being of little Star. His happiness is their number one priority.
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